


Brotherly Advice: You're Doing It Wrong

by ilien



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Stargate SG-1
Genre: Crossover, M/M, fandom stocking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-30
Updated: 2014-12-30
Packaged: 2018-03-04 09:38:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3062981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilien/pseuds/ilien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some people have great siblings, Jack's sure. His own brother, however, is an ass.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Brotherly Advice: You're Doing It Wrong

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HYPERFocused](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HYPERFocused/gifts).



> If you look at Jack O'Neill and Tony Stark close enough, you'll see that the two of them are quite possibly related. At some point, I came up with a universe in which Jack is the son of Howard and private Lorraine, but she chose to marry another man, because she was smart enough not to marry Howard. Here's a piece of that universe, the first one I'm posting.

“You know, I always assumed your mother was Dad’s one true love or something. I mean, Daddy dearest obviously loved you more, and I say that in the least petty sense possible, it’s just the fact of life. So, I figured, big love, tragic story, secret baby, all that,” Tony says without a greeting. Jack’s so used to the brat inviting himself to Jack’s DC apartment that he isn’t even surprised to find Tony, wearing full Iron Man suit, in his kitchen at are-you-kidding-me hours in the morning. Jack’s barely awake and has a meeting with the jackass of the week in an hour, and he has no idea why wouldn’t jackasses sleep till at least nine, like normal people. Tony, obviously, hasn’t slept yet, because morning for generals is apparently evening for geniuses.

“Yeah, Daddy loved me more, let’s admit it, I deserved it.” Jack is aware it's not nice, but the brat is pushing fifty, high time he got over his daddy issues. And it’s not like Howard ever acknowledged Jack was his son, really, and Jack means that in the least petty sense possible. Besides, it’s so early in the morning that it’s actually late at night, so Jack’s entitled. 

“You totally didn't, but that’s not the point. The point is–look!” Tony pulls out a StarkPad. There’s a black and white photograph of two men in it, obviously taken by someone they didn’t notice was there, because people who look at each other like that never notice there’s a third person in the room. One of the men is Howard, and the other one is Dad, in his USAF uniform, and Jack’s never seen either of them this young. Or this happy. Or this... He knows that look. This is Tony looking at Steve these days. 

“See? See? Tell me that’s not how you look at your whatshisname. Look at the both of them. It’s nineteen forty-something. I wonder how your dad wasn’t discharged for this picture alone.”

“Nineteen fifties,” Jack corrects automatically, “Dad got Captain in fifty-one.”

“Soo not the point, moron. Look at them. Fifty-one, you say? Right before you were born, then. I don’t even want to know what happened between the three of them in fifty-one. Knowing your mom, could be anything. Knowing you, it was stupid.”

“Why are you showing this to me?” Jack glances at his watch. His car will there in three minutes. He wonders if he could call the jackass and tell him that the little brother is talking family history so Jack can’t be there for the Very Important Meeting, sorry, ‘kay thanks bye. And then throw Tony out and go back to sleep.

“Because you’re an idiot, obviously.”

“Not everyone happens to be a genius, genius, but this joke’s on you. I knew they were involved.”

“You what?!”

“You should have seen Dad when Howard married your mom. I was seventeen, teenage kids never miss such things. I thought he had a crush on Maria. Took me a couple of years to find out that back then he didn’t know Maria at all.”

“So, let me get this straight. No pun. You knew you were Howard’s offspring but deliberately ignored the fact that you’re probably not mentally handicapped, and pretended to be an idiot all your life. You knew our fathers’ lives were fucking tragic because they were in love with each other, and you haven’t told your boy genius how you feel about him. That’s whole new level of idiot, even for you.”

 

“It has nothing to do with our fathers and there isn’t anything to tell.” Jack would have come up with a better argument, he really would have, if he had more than three hours of sleep. He’s too old for this shit.

“Not just a river in Egypt but also an anagram to whatshisname.”

“Antony.”

“Jonathan.”

Jack’s phone beeped before he could answer that: the car’s arrived. 

“Jack, listen.” Tony’s face was way too serious for this hour, for Tony, or for talk about the dads. “They were miserable. They ruined their own lives and did a number on ours; all because it was illegal, or career-breaking, or whatever, at the time. It’s not anymore. It won’t even hurt your damn career, they’ll just make you the poster boy for DADT-no-more. And you’ve been talking about retirement for years, anyway. Call him. Don’t let this shit take over your life, too.”

“Not that it’s any of your business, but–”

“It’s not. My business, that is. But you’re an idiot. Pick up the phone. Call him. Text him. If you don’t, I will, you’ll never prove it wasn’t you. Besides, if you tell anyone I texted him, you’ll be admitting you’ve been confiding your feelings in me, and this is terribly embarrassing.”

“Haven’t been.”

“But won’t prove anything.”

Jack shakes his head, buttons up his jacket and opens the door for Tony. Tony takes the hint, for once. Already out of the apartment, he turns around and says, “Make the call, moron.”

“So, you’re dating Captain America, and now you’re suddenly my sassy gay friend?” Jack asks just to keep the last word, because obviously he’s not winning this argument in the thirty seconds he has left before he’s hopelessly late.

“You’re a stupid bitch,” Tony deadpans and jumps out of the window, the showoff.

In the car, Jack tries to concentrate on the meeting he’s attending. Ten-year declassification plan, blah blah, can’t just spill it out because probably someone still hasn’t heard about aliens, blah blah. He suddenly notices that he’s holding his suitcase in one hand and Tony’s StarkPad in the other. He looks at the picture of his fathers – the real and the biological one – looking younger than Tony or Daniel are now, and wonders if letting Tony win this one is too high a price.

**Author's Note:**

> If you don't get the "sassy gay friend" reference, look it up on YouTube, it's totally worth it.


End file.
